BREAKING NEWS
LOCAL POSTER ENTERS 14TH HOUR OF DEFENDING ORIGINAL TAKE • RATIO NOW EXCEEDS GDP OF SEVERAL SMALL NATIONS • WITNESSES SAY "THEY JUST KEPT POSTING" • CORN COB WATCH ISSUED FOR TRI-STATE AREA • LOCAL POSTER ENTERS 14TH HOUR OF DEFENDING ORIGINAL TAKE • RATIO NOW EXCEEDS GDP OF SEVERAL SMALL NATIONS • WITNESSES SAY "THEY JUST KEPT POSTING" • CORN COB WATCH ISSUED FOR TRI-STATE AREA •
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You're the Main Character Today.

This is not the kind of fame you wanted.

THREAT LEVEL
LOW
GUARDED
ELEVATED
HIGH
SEVERE
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STATUS Everyone is talking about you
DURATION Trending for 14+ hours
PROGNOSIS Log off immediately

This has been a Corn Cob News Network special report.
Any resemblance to your actual timeline is entirely intentional.